The Unicorn Candy & The Virus

The day started off like any other pandemic day might, rifling through an old Burning Man box to see if I had any spare N95 masks to donate to our sparsely stocked hospital. I didn’t find any masks, but I did find a small envelope mysteriously labeled “Unicorn Candy”, which contained a solitary pink tablet. I seemed to remember that it had been a gift from a delightful fairy who’d fluttered into my life during a brief spell the previous year. What kind of candy did unicorns eat exactly? I wondered. I hadn’t asked what it was at the time, or if I had, I’d long since forgotten, but I was guessing their favorite snack was probably something pretty magical. Incidentally, earlier that morning I’d seen a Vice article that asked the question “You’re Socially Isolating. Is Now a Good Time to Trip on Psychedelics?”. Well, it’s Saturday, I thought. I don’t have any children, all my work for the foreseeable future has vanished, and there’s five thousand acres of wilderness behind my cabin. I never actually read the Vice article, instead I decided to open the envelope, pop the pill into my mouth, and find out the answer for myself. The Unicorn Candy quickly dissolved on my tongue, leaving the faintest hint of strawberry cotton candy.

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Willard, Witchcraft & Isla Mechuque

For this episode of Adult Storytime I decided to dig up an old tale that I wrote while in South America in 2010. It’s a semi-fictional mix of adventure, mythology and the questionable detective skills of the main protagonist, Willard. What parts are true? What aren’t? I’ll let you decide. 

Willard was aggravated. A stout local in a Chilean cowboy hat had just strutted down the pier and announced that the ferry had been delayed until later that afternoon. Apparently a distant storm was preventing the boat from approaching, further delaying Willard from reaching the Chilean island of Chiloe. He’d planned to get there yesterday and here he was, still wet and still waiting, in this godforsaken town of Chaiten.

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